Vayechi: Of Redemption and Hot Sauce

Bereishit: 48: 16

No one likes going to the principal's office. Kids certainly don't like it. Usually it means you're in some sort of trouble. Parents don't like it. It would normally indicate your child has done something wrong. I'm not sure how teachers feel about it, although I doubt a visit connotates a particular misdeed for them. But to sum it all up, I'm not even sure the principal likes going to the principal's office.

So when Morty and Cynthia Rubin were called to Rabbi Rosenthal's office to discuss their son Benjamin, they weren't too thrilled. The secretary let them in a few minutes before the rabbi arrived, and they sat down in the hard wooden chairs, shifting back and forth in their seats. Cynthia couldn't sit still because the chair was as comfortable as a midevil torture device, and Morty had a serious case of the heeby jeebies, remembering visits he had made to this very room as a child.On the walls were friendly prints of Yerushalayim and an impressive aerial view of the Nachmanides School, but no matter how warm and fuzzy you made the room, it was still the principal's office.

Rabbi Rosenthal came into the room and sat down without a word. That was not a good sign.

"Mr. and Mrs. Rubin, it's nice to see you."

Nods all around.

"I'm sorry to call you in under such circumstances, but Binyomin is in a good deal of trouble."

"What did he do this time?" his mother asked with trepidation.

"I'm afraid he snuck into the kitchen and put some sort of hot sauce into the sloppy joe pot*. It made lunch today nearly inedible to all but the heartiest palates. Everyone ended up eating either the tuna or the plain noodles."

"That's terrible," Cynthia said.

Morty looked down at the floor and tried to suppress a smile.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Rubin, is this funny?"

"No, of course not," said Morty Rubin. "But I have to admit, as practical jokes go, that's a good one. Hopefully, no one was hurt, chas veshalom. But it's so much more creative than the Vaseline on the toilet seathe did last year, or when he shook up his teacher's seltzer bottle two years ago."

"I suppose," said Rabbi Rosenthal, with a small hint of a grin, "but still, this was not a small thing he did. It spoiled lunch for all the children in the school, not to mention the teachers who look forward to Sloppy Joe Day."

"That is true," Morty said, "and clearly Benjy needs to be punished, but still, I can't say that I wasn't expecting something like this. It's what little boys like Benjy do."

"What do you mean?" the rabbi asked.

"Yes," said Cynthia Rubin, "do explain. And Rabbi," she said, turning to the principal, "this should be a doozy."

"Well, little boys aren't expected to behave any more than we are," Morty said. "In this week's parsha, Vayechi, when Yakov gives Yosef's children their bracha, he utters that famous line that is said every night with Shema, when we go to sleep: Hamalach hagoel oti mikol ra yevarech et hane'arim veyikareih bahem shemi. May the angel who redeems me from all evil bless the boys and may my name be declared upon them. Notice that Yakov says Hamalach hagoel oti mikol ra, the angel who redeems me from trouble. He doesn't say Hamalach hamone'a oti mikol ra, the angel who prevents me from getting into trouble. Clearly G-d knows we're going to get ourselves into the occasional mess. It's called free will. Yakov asks that Hashem rescue us afterward, just as He rescued him. And let me tell you, Yakov knew a bit about kids getting themselves into trouble. His bunch was definitely a handful.

"So that's how we need to manage our children. Parents and teachers should know that kids are going to get into trouble. It's inevitable. And that doesn't mean we shouldn't discipline them when they go wrong. But we should also understand that they're not expected to be perfect, any more than we are."

"That's very interesting, Mr. Rubin," Rabbi Rosenthal said.

"Thank you."

"I told you it would be good," Cynthia Rubin said.

"So how do you recommend we discipline Binyomin?"

"Well," said Morty Rubin, "I think the punishment should fit the crime. Perhaps he should have to eat a big plate of the spicy sloppy joes. Also, I think he should stay after school to clean the giant meat pot."

"Wow, that's pretty good," the rabbi said.

"I've had a lot of practice at this, Rabbi."

"Hey, are you the Morty Rubin who put the cherry bomb firecracker down the toilet in the boy's bathroom about twenty-five years ago?"

"I have no comment at this time," Morty said. "Perhaps you should speak with my parents."

"Or his lawyer," Cynthia added.

*For the uninitiated, sloppy joes are ground beef in a seasoned tomato sauce, a school lunch program staple in many fine institutions of learning.

Special thanks to Racheli Epstein for Hebrew language counseling.

Comments

[Steg (dos iz nit der šteg)]

great story and message!

[The maggid]

Thanks. The positive feedback makes it all worthwhile.

[Aunty Chanale again]

Just to tell you that I liked the story and the message very much.I also understood almost all the expressions.I even knew what a sloppy joe was before you explained it.I'm using my imagination on the cherry bomb but I suspect that was your intention anyhow...

[Aunty Chanale again]

Did you know that our postings are getting bumped back till we prove that we aren't machines??

[Savta]

Now that you mentioned sloppy joes, I remembered that the maggid and his family are coming down to FL soon. Next week I should buy chopped meat and make meatballs..no hot sauce of course> also, the traditional post airport lasagna ..also grandpops makes the maggid soup.
btw, we saw the maggid's brother loves soup too. this is all freeee association.

[The Maggid]

-Thanks, A. Chanale. I wasn't sure the Syracuse/Golanis would know of Sloppy Joes.
Yes, the new screening of comments is done automatically by the company that hosts the blog. It's because people send spam comments to increase hits to their own websites. Yes, it's a wonderful world.
- Savta. Just make sure the soup is ready. It's clearly familial, this soup obsession.