So, you say you bought five pounds of matzah and only needed two? You picked up five boxes of hand shmurah and only used three of them? And now it’s the day after Passover, and you’re left with oodles of the stuff. And the supermarket now has a deal to give matzah away free with every purchase over two dollars. Well, fear no more. Here is a list, compiled by experts in every field imaginable, of what you, the educated consumer, can do with your “matzah she’avar alav hapesach,” so to speak. Thanks to all the experts who provided me with their wisdom.
A square variety of matzah can be used as ablative tiles to protect the space shuttle from the intense heat of reentry.
Also, although this is still experimental, we’re trying to see if old matzah balls can be used as protective material for the indestructible black boxes of future aircraft. Again, I would like to reemphasize that this is still under investigation.
David Z., Physicist, retired Vice President of Technology (Rocket Scientist)
Kao Matzate. ‘Nuff said.
Dov L., Cardiologist
It can be used as a theft deterrent device. You put it in front of your door, and if a thief comes, you hear the crunch.
Brian A., Stock Analyst
I like to eat the matzah after Pesach with peanut butter. I feel like I’m living on the edge. Matzah and kitniot, do you know what I mean?
Gary S., Technology Manager
During my residency in Plastic Surgery at Montefiore Hospital, 1968-1970, the famous Papa-Dok Matzoh Bakery went up in flames during the kashering of one of their ovens. Six of their finest speed bakers suffered second and third degree burns. I was on call in the emergency room that day, and was present when they were brought in for treatment.
Their arm wounds were naturally dressed with moist shmurah matzah which had dried prior to their arrival.
Unfortunately, but fortuitously, they had to wait several hours (or certainly more than eighteen minutes) before I could treat them. As Albert Einstein once said,"Accidents happen to the prepared mind." I noticed that on removal of this ancient wound poultice, swelling was moderate, and the wound was ready for grafting.
The factory sent over six more pounds of shmurah, and it was used for further grafting that night. One week later, the matzah crumpled off, and the new skin had regrown.
The entire episode was published in the American Journal of The American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons in September, 1968, and it is now standard procedure to use shmurah matzah for skin grafts in the treatment of burns worldwide.
Morton F., MD, Plastic Surgeon
Home Improvement Opportunities:
The unused matzah can be quite effective as replacement roof shingles.
Break the matzahs into pieces large enough to maintain a high R value and blow it into wall cavities as festive insulation.
Dress up those drab rooms with matzah bead board.
Stan M., Electrical Engineer
The matzahs can be used to teach fractions and geometry.
Roneet M., Lecturer in Mathematics
Do not make matzah pizza. That’s for sure.
Elliot R., Pizza Store Magnate
Use the matzah as a barrier membrane for guided tissue regeneration. It is denser than gortex for the down growth of epithelium.
Dr. Neil L., DDS, Periodontist
A large group of matzahs should be collected and made into welcome mats for people who are returning from Florida.
Ari M., Advertising Executive
Aircraft that fly aggressive low altitude or high-angle of attack
maneuvers will experience high acoustic loading in the presence of
external stores. These high acoustic loads can lead to premature sonic
fatigue in thin gage metallic structure. As a means of prolonging
fatigue life, while at the same time restoring structural load carrying
capability in damaged structure, composite bonded repairs which
incorporate damping layers have been developed using aged shmurah
matzah. These composite bonded matzah repairs have been installed on
military aircraft with great success. Coupling adhesive bonded composite patches with damping treatments also provide robust and effective repair designs for aerodynamic surfaces that have sustained battle damage.
Typical composite patches consist of boron/epoxy laminate layered with
shumrah matzah on opposite sides and bonded to adjacent structure.
Repairs using the matzah have withstood airspeeds of Mach 2.8.
 D. Rabinowitz, "Composite Wing Repair Using Hand Shmurah Motzah – An Update," Air Force 3rd Aging Aircraft Conference, 26-28 September 1995.
 R. Kit N'iyot, "Design Development of a Bonded Composite Fuselage
Repair for Supersonic Tactical Aircraft," 2007 USAF Structural Integrity
Program Conference, 14-24 January 2007.
 M. Levine, "The Modal Strain Energy Finite Element Analysis Method
and its Application to Motzah Laminated Repairs of Aircraft Structures,"
Proceedings of the 1992 USAF Structural Integrity Program Conference,
WL-AB-93-488480, September 1993.
Jesse S. Aeronautics Engineer
They would make excellent textured wallpaper.
Robert K., Optometrist
Rabbi Mark L., School Principal
Matzah can be used for casting a fractured bone. Regular Streits is good for a smaller fracture, say a metacarpal bone, but for a large bone like a femur, you’ll need shmurah. I like to go with Williamsburg Satmar shmurah. It has staying power.
Dr. Mark M., MD, Orthopedist
In the event of a water landing, a box of matzah can be used as a flotation device, though not for very long.
Maggid of B., Itinerant storyteller
Matzah can be use as a grid format for constructing mortality tables.
Also, considering the global warming crisis, matzah could be used to make igloos for Jewish Eskimos
David S., Actuary
They can be used as emergency lechem mishnah kits for the weeks that you have a sudden challah crisis.
Tina F., Teacher
Matzah would make an excellent toilet flopper.
Isser K., Plumber Extraordinaire
Matzah can be used as a filter for water purification and filtration systems.
A cartridge (square or round available) is loaded with matzah, about 10 sheets. Water from the water company is diverted to the filter. Water flows parallel to the matzah sheets. The high surface area of the matzahs make maximum contact with the water which, due to osmotic imbalance, give up their chometz and other contaminants to the simple wheat-only confection. The water is then pure and ready for household use and drinking.
Yitzchak H., Computer Expert, Technological Consultant
It could be used as a really funky Rorshach Test.
Dr. Michael T., Psychologist
A round shmurah matzah works well as a clock face but the rumors of the ninja's throwing matzohs at their enemies are completely unfounded.
Rabbi Dan R., Educator