The Chocoholic's Song of Songs

The Chocoholic’s Song of Songs is one of the great treasures of the biblical gastronomic tradition. It has become a custom to read it on the intermediate Sabbath of Passover, a few hours after lunch, when the munchies have developed. Reading this megillah, one should approach it with all the kavanah it is due.

According to the interpretation of Nashi, a popular twelfth century commentator and confectioner, the Chocoholic’s Song of Songs is not to be interpreted literally. Though the mechaver is a known glutton and gormandizer, he harnessed his craving of the cocoa bean to express his love for his Creator. Below each stanza we will include Nashi’s interpretation.

(Sung to the tune of Shir Hashirim)

The Chocolate Song of Songs which is Sol’s. Let me eat the kisses of your chocolate, the cocoa kisses that flow from your thin silver wrapper, with the little white tag. For thy love is better than butterscotch. Thy ointments are fragrant, for thy flowing hot fudge thy art renowned. Therefore the children do love thee.

Nashi: The kisses of which the composer speaks are reminiscent of the incense used on the altar. The butterscotch is myrrh. The hot fudge suggests frankincense. The mechaver is expressing his yearning for the Temple service.

I am dark chocolate but comely, bittersweet like the night, O’ daughter of Toblerone. Do not gaze upon me because I am black. Verily, I have many more antioxidants than any milk chocolate. Tell me O’ thou whom my palate loves, where thou chewest best. For I am betwixt with your charms, and I’m always coming back for s’more.

Nashi: The reference to antioxidants shows the rewards one receives from fulfilling the commandments. Dark chocolate is a well known symbol for a pure heart.

Thy cheeks are full like a Chunky bar, thy neck like a string of M&M’s. Thy toes are like chewy Milk Duds. Thy breath is steaming, like a hot cocoa on a chilly night, yet thou melt in my mouth, not in my hand. Though others laugh, I will never snicker. I love your mounds…of chocolate and coconut goodness. I yearn for your peanut butter cups. You bring me almond joy. I long to nibble your butterfingers. O’ Henry! how I love thee.

Others tried to tempt me. They introduced me to Baby Ruth and Patty, that peppermint of York, but forsooth, I bade them not.

Nashi: The mention of Baby Ruth refers to King David’s great-great-great grandmother. The M&M’s allude to the ma’aseh merkavah, a vision of the end of days. The mounds are a clear connection to the Temple Mound.

A krackel in the night. Who is that crunching outside my door? Behold, thou art fair, my love. Thou hast Dove Bar eyes behind thy veil. Thy teeth are like white chocolate pearls. Thy lips are like chocolate covered cherries. Thy eyes are orbs, like bon bons. I would not trade thee for a hundred grand, nor all the gelt in the kingdom.

Nashi: O.K., you got me this time. As far as I can tell, this guy just really loves his chocolate. Who doesn’t?

They tried to turn me away, those three musketeers, but I would not take five. For I am not searching for Mister Goodbar. My love is like a kit kat in the alley. It is greater than all the stars in the Milky Way.

Nashi: The three musketeers is a reference to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The Milky Way alludes to G-d’s promise to Abraham (Genesis: 15: 5).

I sleep, but my heart awakes. Hark, my beloved is knocking. She descends on a river of nougat, a caramel confection, with a marshmallow center. I try to grasp her with my fondue fork, but she is gone like Lady Godiva.

Nashi: The marshmallow center can only refer to the Anan Hakavod, the cloud that rested on the Tabernacle in the desert. The mention of Lady G-diva, a seeming anachronism for the time of this megillah’s composition, is the only time in the entire Chocoholic’s Song of Songs that the Creator’s name is directly mentioned

Comments

[Fungo]

We are reading this while munching on Cocoa Pebbles. Do Fred and Barney carry any religious significance? How about Moshe and Aaron?

[Auntie Chanale]

Antioxidants? Give me a break.However, I admit that by the time I got to the milk dud toes I was snorting with laughter interspersed with genuine giggles.

[dov weinstock]

LOL! Thanks for the good chuckle. Worth a link on my own blog!

[Shira Salamone]

Delicious! :) Not to mention deliciously droll. :)